Have you ever noticed that authoritarian moral busybodies all sound the same, save for a few words that could be exchanged like a game of mad libs? Fundies and progs alike are basically the same thing. I have mentioned that creationists and communists are the same thing, Nazis were creationists (Gnostic, specifically, I promise I’ll explain soon) and authoritarian socialists at the same time, and now, we have “progressive” Christians. I thought about writing some satire a few months before starting this blog, pretending to be a “progressive” YEC preacher who holds every authoritarian position possible, both “left” and “right,” but that was before reading an article in The Epoch Times about “progressive Christianity,” an exposé of wokery infesting churches. I was a little disappointed that reality beat me to the punch, but not at all surprised; after all, between The Onion, The Babylon Bee, and this weird Twitter thread, the only difference between satire and reality is a few months. So, I’m going to share some stuff that I wrote over a year ago now, and I’d like to know, should I continue with this, or was I right to abandon it?
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Conservative Christians are worried that socialists and other progressives are “subverting” Christianity. This is an unfounded fear, as Christianity is an incarnation of diversity, inclusion, and equity. Christians come from such a diverse array of backgrounds that in some cases, the only thing we have in common is our faith in Jesus Christ. Christianity is an all-inclusive religion, welcoming anyone and forgiving them for past sins. Christianity is equitable, as all men (and women) are equal in the eyes of the Lord. Christianity is also socialist and anti-family, since Jesus Himself was a socialist who sought to set son against father and daughter against mother, as anyone who loves son or daughter more than Him is not worthy of His love. This is not “socialist subversion” of Christianity, this is true Christianity. The fear, seemingly, is that socialism ruins all that it touches. This is false; atheism ruins all that it touches, which is why socialism failed in the Soviet Union, since Soviet Communism was pseudosocialism built on the shaky foundations of state atheism. By denying its people a God-given purpose, the Soviet government instilled systemic apathy, because people need the grace of God in order to have the motivation to work for the collective good.
Progressives and Christians are both at each other’s throats, but they really shouldn’t be. Christians should be progressive, and progressives should be Christian, but even if we can’t get these groups to realize that both ideologies are actually two sides of the same coin, we must realize that a particular subset of atheists are our common enemy: the evolutionists. Evolutionism, also called Darwinism, is unbiblical, racist pseudoscience. Somehow, it is the “best supported theory in all of science,” which is sad, because all of the “evidence” that supports it is specious at best. This dangerous pseudoscience should have been nipped in the bud, but instead, it was allowed to proliferate through academia, and become cemented through the pseudoscience of genetics, which also has deeply sexist origins. Rosalind Franklin is a name that almost no-one knows, and yet James Watson and Francis Crick would not have been able to make their “discovery” were it not for her prior groundbreaking work in X-ray crystallography. Contrary to the popular idea that she was simply ignored, the sexism of these two charlatans had a much more sinister manifestation. Franklin was an honest scientist, unlike Watson and Crick, and she wished to expose them for the lazy, thieving bums that they were, so they had her killed, and went on to “earn” a Nobel Prize for duping the entire scientific community with their work of fiction title “The Double Helix.” Perhaps if Franklin didn’t have a wild side, Watson and Crick would never have been able to find a sleaze-ball who was willing to poison her for money. It just goes to show that a good Christian woman should save herself for marriage, and a good feminist woman should know better than to trust strange men. Had Franklin been a good Christian and a good feminist, perhaps she would have lived long enough to expose Watson and Crick for the frauds that they were, exposed genetics for the pseudoscience that it is, and she would have been awarded a Nobel Prize. Instead, genetics became “validated,” cemented, and further lent credence to the pseudoscientific pseudoreligion of evolutionism, which far too many Christians believe is somehow compatible with Christianity. This is outrageous! Socialism is compatible, indeed central to Christianity, but evolutionism is completely incompatible with the Judeo-Christian-Islamic worldview.
Far too many Christians are angry because their worldview has been tainted by worldly ideas, such as capitalism. Far too many socialists are angry because their worldview is lacking the grace of God, having instead embrace the false, atheistic and blatantly anti-Semitic pseudosocialism known as Marxism. A reunion of true Christian faith and true socialism is necessary to bring peace to both Christians and progressives. All of society’s ills are the result of the capitalist and pseudoscientific corruption of true faiths. Judiasm, Christianity, and Islam are all, at their core, tolerant, peaceful, feminist, trans-inclusive, and child-friendly religions. Evolutionism is none of these things, teaching instead that humans are animals, which is unbiblical and racist hate speech.
During the lockdown phase of the pandemic, many Christians were upset that they were unable to congregate in churches, and claimed that the government was infringing on their right to practice their faith. This is nonsense! You don’t need to go to a physical church to be a good Christian. Sunday is a day for worship, not a day for travel. People should have simply stayed home to pray. Later on during the pandemic, many Christians were upset that they were being forced to take a vaccine, when it went against their faith. The Bible says nothing in denunciation of vaccines, but Christ Himself says that a slave shall obey his master. Look, we don’t live in the paradise that God intended the world to be, we live in a fallen, broken, and corrupt world ruled by Satan. Viruses and other disease vectors are the spawn of sin, debased creations of Satan, and scientists have had to indulge in a little bit of black magic out of necessity to create vaccines that we need to protect ourselves against viruses, both the originals that spawned of Adam and Eve’s sin, and the base imitations made by mad scientists playing in God’s domain (and doing the Devil’s work) in Communist China.
There are other progressive ideas that are perfectly compatible with Christian doctrine. Contrary to a popular atheist talking point, the Bible doesn’t condemn homosexuality, only bisexuality, and only because the Bible was written before condoms were invented. The Bible doesn’t define marriage as “one man and one woman,” as “conservative” Christians believe, either; the Bible doesn’t define marriage at all. There are many different marriage practices around the world, so to say that “marriage is defined as one man and one woman” is unbiblical and racist hate speech. The Bible also condemns cross-dressing, but it merely says that a man shall not wear a woman’s garment and disguise himself as a woman, never does it say that a man cannot become a woman. In a way, since woman was made from man, woman is the product of man, just as man is the product of woman. The Lord stitches each of us together in our mother’s wombs, but in our fallen world, Satan sometimes interferes in the process, and that is where birth defects come from. Being born as the wrong sex is a birth defect, but it is disguised as normal, and the corrupting influence of Satan is not often realized until later in the child’s life. Modern medicine allows doctors to reverse this insidious damage done by Satan’s hand. Doctors don’t intentionally misgender newborn babies, they are simply fooled by the Devil’s trickery, just as all those “scientists” who believe in evolutionism were fooled by the Devil’s trickery.
Finally, there is the matter of protecting our children. Children are the property of God, not the parents’ personal chattel. Children are a blessing from God, and it is our duty as parents to nurture them in accordance with His wishes. Atheists are trying to spoil our children with shiny toys made in factories and dangerous ideas spread through cartoons and video games. They are trying to normalize the idea that children should engage in masturbation and fornication, but these are sins that corrupt even adults. Children naturally imitate what they see in media, so when they see colorful, whimsical characters like the gems in Steven Universe act out their “fusion dance,” where do you think that leads? Children should not be having sex, with each other or with adults. Godly people understand this, and it is the divine duty of every youth leader to protect children from anything of a sexual nature. The atheists are the ones trying to pollute our children, and they have the gall to project this behavior onto us! No Godly man would ever molest a child, but children tell lies, because they are weak vessels, vulnerable to Satan’s influence. The Devil tempts them with candy and toys, and only by resisting that temptation is corruption avoided. The corrupted child will tell insidious lies about good Christian men, and parents believe those lies! The proper response from a parent, should the child tell them something like “the pastor put his pee-pee in my butt,” should be to beat that child’s butt until it bleeds, and the child knows to never slander authority again, no matter the temptation. The atheists, meanwhile, actual will stick their pee-pees in children’s butts, and when they get caught, they scream about the “hypocrisy” of religious folk doing it too. This is a lie. No true man of God abuses children, and I doubt that any atheist is capable of putting on such a convincing act so as to fool Godly parents into letting their children into his care. Only the Roman Catholic Church, which is a pseudoreligion that allows open atheists into its priesthood, has such a problem. True progressive Christians, however, recognize that pedophilia is a sin worthy of death.
Hopefully, Christians and progressives alike who read this will have their minds put at ease. Any conservatives who wish to remain conservative, rather than do as the Lord demands, need to let go of their worldly desires and get right with God. Meanwhile, to any atheist progressives who wish to remain atheist, I must ask simply “why?” Unless you’re an evolutionist, which you can’t be unless you’re a racist, there is no reason for you to not believe in God.
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That was to be to the introductory post on another blog in which I pose as a prog fundie preacher. Note that I told several outright lies in that passage, couched in ideology that would allow me to easily fire back with some ad hominem pejorative accusation against anyone who tries to argue with me. This one was also tame, as I wrote a second post that was much spicier. I could share that one as well, which comes across as much more Nazi-esque, given that my prog fundie preacher character identifies “fake Russian Jews” as everything that is wrong with America, and specifically lambasts the YouTuber and physicist King Crocoduck, accountant and pundit Yelena Rakhimov, biochemist and entrepreneur Natalia Vinogradova, and me. Have I piqued your interest?
Sasha V's Sesquipedalian Soliloquies 